Thailand: Where any man can be a God

Are you a nerd, dork, geek, overweight, old, impotent, or maybe you’re just shy or wanting to brush up on your skills, ahem… in bed? Well then, Thailand is the place for you, although I’m sure you already knew that. As long as you have a hefty bank account and a thick wallet, you can find sex anywhere. It doesn’t matter if you were a nobody back home, or the CEO of a well known company, a father of 2, or a husband to a loving wife, in the land of smiles, everyone is on an even playing field. Thai women, most coming from very poor backgrounds, have realized how easily they can sell their bodies for a good chunk of change. They stand outside in clad dresses, showing off their assets for men to pick up as if picking up a steak from the butcher. These women will make you feel like you’re the best lover they’ve ever had. Even if you know it’s all for show, the feeling is still appreciated and for the most part, feels sincere. Most would feel pity for these women for having to give up their bodies to men, but if you turn your head slightly, you will see that these women are in a place of power. They know that men come to Thailand looking for a night of cheap thrills and instead of giving up their bodies for free… they make these men pay a fee. No, it’s not the Thai women I feel bad for… they can fend for themselves, it’s the girlfriends, children and wives of these men back home. Most men and I say most because there are a lot of men who truly fall in love and appreciate these women, but they are few and far between. Anyway, most men probably go by the code “what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand.” Not to say women don’t cheat in Thailand as well, but I’ve seen firsthand, men cheating on their girlfriends and wives just moments after showing me pictures of their wives and children. That literally makes me sick to my stomach. How easily these men can forget about the vows they made, and for what? A quickie in the bathroom of some cheap motel that they have to pay for themselves? How do they look at themselves in the mirror the next day?

The conversations I’ve witnessed about men bragging of their latest Thai conquest is sick. Now, if you’re single and in need of some quick action, by all means, go at it, if you want to pay for sex, then I’m not one to advise otherwise… but for these men who are quote unquote “devoted” and “committed” I ask you to think about what you’re sacrificing for a quick and meaningless lay. Women aren’t stupid… it’s becoming more and more noticed the reasons why many men come to Thailand… and if it’s not you’re first reason, it’s certainly on the list. And another thing, just because these Thai girls are willing to give it up for a few baht does NOT mean every other women is. As I was sitting at a table drinking a beer, two guys behind me (maybe a foot and a half away) were discussing which one of them was going to “take” me home. Neither of these men asked for MY opinion, no, they just assumed one of the would “conquer” me. And that same night, a guy comes up to me and whispers into my ear, “I’ve never had a Korean girl” as if he’s saying, “I’ve never tried kimchi before”… are you kidding?! How vile and disgusting can you get!? Girls, watch out, and guys, keep it in your pants unless asked otherwise.

Hippies: A Trend or a Lifestyle?

Throughout my travels in Asia, I’ve come across many “hippies” as you might call them. They either have dreadlocks wrapped up in some kind of hair band, have shaved heads (mostly women), and they’re usually wearing earthy colors tones, no brand names, come across very friendly and serene, never to raise their voices or lose their temper and are usually vegetarian/pescetarian. As I’m sitting in what can only be described as a “hippie” guesthouse, listening to a mix of easy reggae and jazz while surrounded by a multitude of wicker lanterns, stones, dangling jeweled art, various plants and a variety of different styled wooden tables covered with Thai printed cloth. I see a woman to my right with a shaved head, her large bottle of nameless water, a shirt probably made out of recyclable material, cliché Thai pants, and a look on her face that says, “my aura is a magical place.” Is she a hippie for life? Or a hippie until she wants to go back home to her life surrounded by Abercrombie jeans and a J.Crew t-shirt? I must say, it’s getting harder and harder to tell, but then again, does it really matter? I have my share of “hippie” esque friends and I love them to death. I don’t look at them and wonder how long it took them to put together their “look.” To them, it’s not a look, it’s who they are. They didn’t choose this lifestyle to “fit in” or because they thought it was “cool,” it was natural to them. The general theme of “hippies” as far as I’ve found is “one love.” If it was good enough for Bob, it’s good enough for me. “One love” doesn’t sound half bad anyway!

Thailand is the motherland of hippies and hippie wannabes. The streets are filled with people, probably just passing through but wanting a little taste of the “hippie” lifestyle. So they go down to Khaosan Rd. and get dreads done, or possibly shave their head if they’re feeling extra ambitious. They trade their make-up in for the au natural look, buy some Thai pants off the street for 80baht and throw on a plain colored tank top, kick off their shoes and fake Armani bag, take a seat, and watch and learn… They feel like they’re fitting in with the crowd, because come on, everyone in Thailand is a hippie at heart. To be honest, it’s a lot more comfortable than jeans and a button-up shirt, and high heeled shoes, you don’t have to worry about your hair being perfectly combed and straightened, or take the time to put on make-up just to watch it melt off, and shaving your legs becomes an unnecessary chore. Plus, these pants are seriously the most comfortable pants you’ll ever wear! In addition to all that, vegetarian food is amazing! Like they say, “when in Rome.” A lot of what I’ve said can be looked at as stereotypical and I’m sure there are some people out there who may disagree with what I say… but that’s ok. I’m here to be the absolutely truth about anything, I’m just here to blog about my adventures. I truthfully don’t think I could play off the “hippie” look for life, but look me up after my first year here and I might be whistling a different tune… Couldn’t you see me with dreads one day? It’s crossed my mind… =)

Patong: Where God and Satan Meet

one of the main if not only reasons to come to Phuket is the beaches. I had never been to this part of Thailand before and wasn't really sure what to expect, but if it was anything like Koh Samui or Ko Phangan, I knew I'd be in for a treat. The first beach we went to was the most famous in Phuket called Patong. Now why was this the most famous? Probably because of it's size and location. During the day the beach is covered with hundreds of people swimming in the crystal clean turquoise ocean. So clear that you can float all the way back to the buoys and see the ocean floor 20 feet or more below you. There are thai men running two feet behind you to offer you a beach chair or floating device. You can rent a jet ski or go parasailing... and if that's not enough, there's always thais walking along the beach ready to sell you jewelry, clothing, ice cold beer, soda, or henna tattoos. And if you walk up towards the back of the beach you'll find a line of canopy beds where you can get various massages... including an full body aloe scrub for, wait for it, 100Baht(about $3) If you get tired of laying on the beach or floating on the ocean, you can always take a walk through the streets and find DVDs for 60baht a pop (good quality as well) or various types of clothing. I've started to get hooked on the faux Ed Hardy wear. But I've also sadly bought the same style dress in probably 5 different colors... =( For those of you who are shopoholics like I am... Thailand can be a wondrous place... or a means to an end.

Now... if you were to come back to Patong at nightfall, you would find a completely different place altogether. At night, this beach town turns into Satan's playground. The neon glow from all the bar signs are almost blinding, with a constant stream of Thais coming up to you asking if you want to see a ping pong show. There's Thai "prostitutes" alongside Thai lady boys trying to find their sugar daddies for the night and tons of street vendors selling everything from meat on a stick to taser guns... yes... taser guns. If you want to find your weapon of choice... you'll probably find it here. You can choose between taser guns, spiked metal knuckles, various types of knives and ninja stars, and jewelry which would surely slice up a face or two... Patong at night reminds me of a mix between Haeundae beach during the day and Seomyeon at night; add in some KSU drinking and you've about got it. The most popular places to go at night are Aussie Bar, Seduction, Club Hollywood, Reggae Bar (where you can paint yourself and others with glow in the dark body paint) and of course Suzy Wong's.

So... next time you make the journey out to Phuket... make sure you hit up Patong, both during the day and at night... you'll never regret it... or maybe you will... but hey... what's life without a night to remember... or forget... =)

Ping pong anyone?

Get your paddles ready, although this game is more of a take situation. The location isn't some well lit room surrounded by tables and eager players, but instead, found on the streets of Patpong or Soi Cowboy in very dimly lit venues where stadium seating surrounds a center stage. No, this isn't the championship playoffs, although there's a lot of cheering filling the room... no, it's the infamous Ping Pong Sex shows. To spare you of some grotesque details, the different types of tricks can include but are not limited to: blowing darts, horns, whistles, pulling out razor blades and nails, blowing out candles, live nude showers, smoking cigarettes (which I'm pretty sure is still not healthy), shooting out bananas and of course the ping pong balls.

If you've never been to one, I would suggest going, more for the experience than anything else. It can be a hands-on experience if you'd like... although it may cost a bit extra. I ended up taking a sourvenier ping pong ball home with me and Caleb played catch with a banana... after throwing it back, the girl picked it up and ate it... YUM! We also witnessed every single kama sutra position played out onstage in approximately 5 minutes... talk about a buzz kill. Now, these shows, at least in Patpong can run you up to 1000Baht (appr. $30USD) but there are some places that are cheaper as well... although the show might not be as good. And if you're wondering if Bangkok is the only area you can witness one of these shows, the answer if no.

It turns out that down south in the lovely Phuket area... there is a little place called Patong... not to be mistaken with Patpong. In Patong, all you have to do is walk the streets at night and there will be plenty of Thai men coming up to you with little laminated cards giving a list of all the different "shows" they offer. After seeing most everything on the list in Patpong, we weren't really interested... until of course a guy showed us a card with various animals, but to our disappointment, all we found as we stepped into these bars were girls dancing on a stage.

However, if you're looking for something a little more interactive and less skeezy (well, maybe no less skeezy) there's a place called Suzy Wong's found tucked away off the busyness of Patong. As you step in the door, you're handed a foam bat looking thing. The point of the bat is to be able to beat or smack the Thai girls on their ass or any other part of their body and vice versa. Every 10 minutes or so one of the girls will grab an unsuspecting guy and lift up his shirt and start beating him as hard as she can... how, these little foam bats don't really hurt that badly, but when 20 some people are beating you with all their drunken might... you'll probably end up with a few bruises... more so from them missing you with the bat and hitting you with their fist. I think people get more enjoyment out of beating each other with these sticks instead of the girls. When things are getting a little wild around the bar the girls start doing other things onstage that quickly grab the male and female attention. Two plus hours of constantly beating random strangers with these things is definitely a great way to let off some steam after a hard day at the beach, or to work off that last Singha beer. Some advice for the ladies, just be sure not to take too much attention away from the thai girls onstage, or you justmight find yourself being dragged across the bar by your hair...

Indian giver? More like seller...

There's a t-shirt in Thailand that pretty much says it all, "No, I don't wanna F*cking T-shirt, Tuk Tuk, a suit."

I don't so much mind the t-shirts... a lot actually have pretty cool designs or funny sayings, the tuk tuks definitely get on my nerves... which I'll talk about in a later blog, but what bothers me the most are these Indian men trying to sell me an "Armani" suit every 3 feet! Dude... it's like 95 degrees outside, my SPF 4 is barely staying on my skin, and the only thing on my mind is a nice sandy beach, and a clear blue ocean... the last I want to do is be in your overpriced store, being harrassed by you when I could be sipping mai thais. I don't think it would be so bad if they weren't always calling me their "friend" and trying to shake my hand. I mean seriously... you don't know me, for the most part, none of you can even figure out what nationality I am. Caleb learned the hard to never shake their hand... I learned from watching him. Once they have a hold of your hand, there's no way they're letting go. Now THERE is a rape style handshake, absolutely NOTHING enjoyable about being forced into an awkward situation with a man who smells from wearing his "Armani" suit in 95 degree weather...

Seriously... if I want a suit... I will come find you... it's not as if your stores are few and far between... if anything... I can't seem to get away from them!

El Nido: A tucked away paradise

When I was first trying to decide where to travel, the Philippines wasn't even an option. Not because I didn't want to go there, but because I had never really thought of it as a place I wanted to visit. But due to circumstances, it was where I ended up... and I couldn't have been happier. Adrienne and i spent a total of about 10 days traveling throughout the Philippines, stopping through Puerta Princesa, Sabang, Manila and El Nido. Sabang was a very small little port town where you could grab a ferry to the larger small town of El Nido. Since we weren't sure what El Nido was like, we decided to stay in Sabang for a few days. We went to see the famous underground river and spent many hours lying on the beach, but even I need a little more to do than just sun... so we booked a seven hour ferry to El Nido. Now, I'm not sure how many of you have taken ferries places... but my only ferry experience was going from Busan to Fukuoka, a 4 hour ride in a luxury ferry where I can listen to my iPod, watch the movie ahead, or sleep peacefully. This was nothing like that. We were in what at most you could call a long canoe looking boat with a an overhead tarp. There were in all, twelve of us on this boat and luckily, Adrienne and I got the two back seats. Why lucky? Because a couple hours into the journey the people in front started to get soaked from the waves. After 7 hours on that ferry... I'm surprised I didn't lose it over the side...

Finally, the moment arrived when we landed in El Nido. This was by far my favorite place... there was a warmth that was emitted from this little town in Palawan. Yes, the hot Philippino sun may have had something to do with it, but more so it was the people. The locals, always so friendly and helpful were always saying hi without expecting money or some other kind of handout. They seemed to genuinely care about your welfare which brought a nice change from the streets of Manila. The foreigners that I met were also very friendly. It seemed that there were some people that had been there for a few days, others a few weeks and some had settled down there for the rest of their lives. Either way, everyone seemed connected in a way.

The Philippines culture is much different from that of Korea or even the U.S. It seems the standard "hello" for men consisted of lifting up ones shirt halfway as if to say,"hey man, check out my awesome abs, I've been working out... wanna go for a ride on my scooter?" Haha... I smile just thinking of it. I actually think it has more to do with the extreme heat, but it still makes me laugh. The streets are filled with "lady bars" of sorts, with a variety of different shows that I didn't get the pleasure of seeing, but just be careful which ones you choose to go into for some I believe aren't filled with 100% ladies. But hey, if that's what you're into, you'll find an abundance of lady boys walking around the streets in the tiniest of tops and the shortest of shorts, so short that it leaves you with the curiosity to sneak a peek wondering exactly, "Where do they hide it?"

The food here has been fantastic, with one a few upset stomach days that had me fleeing to the bathroom hoping there's tissue and a full bucket of water. Oh yes, no flushing here, only buckets of water poured into the toilet after you've finished. Actual toilet seats also seem to be endangered, or in most cases extinct, so I've mastered the art of squatting (not quite the same as "korean" squatting since the toilets are the same height as a normal one) ad have used muscles in my legs I didn't know I had, but stronger legs are much better than receiving the gift of an unknown disease from the porcelain God himself.

Back to food... the most commonly found food in the Philippines is seafood (who wudda thunk it?) I must say, I consumed at least a medium sized aquarium full of fish during my 10 day journey, mostly consisting of tuna, but I also had snapper, barracuda, and the wildly popular ambiguous "whitefish." Doused in garlic, veggies, with a side of garlic rice, I was sure to keep these pesky vampires away, unless of course it happened to be Edward Cullen. I've also had my fill of fresh banana fruit smoothies and freshly ripe mangoes which Adrienne graciously sliced open with her very large switch blade.

All in all, my trip to the Philippines was very pleasant. Through the delicious food, lazy days on the beach, and nights out in the plaza, I still found some time for a little recreational fun. We decided to go on one of the "tours" posted around the town. I really wanted to do some snorkeling and since Adrienne knows all there is to know about every kind of fish, I knew she'd be up for giving me a lesson or two. We went to 5 or 6 different destinations and were either snorkeling or laying on the beach. For someone who loves aquariums to the point of obsession like myself, you'd think I'd be a natural at it, however, it's as far from the truth as I am tall and blond. Being an avid nose breather, my body found it borderline impossible to breathe through the likes of my mouth into this small tube without hyperventilating and freaking out. The first snorkeling stop we took, I ended up freaking out, swallowing salt water, choking and kicking coral which resulted in slicing up my foot... way to go Amanda! Don't worry... I ended up getting back in the water eventually and having a great time... I even got to see some cool fish!

If I were to ever go back to the Philippines... I would definitely head back to El Nido. Of course, next time I would also like to hit up Boracay since I heard soo many wonderful things about it... but if you go... go check out the locals of El Nido... from personal experience, I promise they'll show you a good time... =)

Bargaining: My favorite pasttime

Bargaining has quickly become a favorite pastime of mine. I remember during my first trip to Bangkok last year, i was shopping the streets of Khaosan Rd. with a friend of mine and we stopped to look at a necklace. When she asked the price of the necklace, the woman pulled out her calculator and punched in 400BHT... My friend just shook her head, took the calculator and punched in 100BHT. I though tto myself how ridiculous it was to ask for 25% he cost, but now, a year later, I've found that's exactly how you have to do it.

The shopping in Phuket seems to be more expensive than BKK, but that doesn't stop me from getting a BKK price. More than not I've walked away with two items for less than the price they wanted for one. It actually started out as a simple mistake. The price seemed too high so I decided to walk away when the person would yell at lower price, intrigued I would glance over my shoulder and again, decide I didn't really want to pay the price and start walking away again when they would yell and even lower price... and i'm not one to pass up a good bargain. =)

Now I play the same game, but on purpose. The most ridiculous of these rip-off stories would have to be one night when Caleb and I were walking around at night and we came across a man selling perfume/cologne. Neither of us really wanted any, but we got a laugh out of the knock smells and how sadly they were nothing like the original. As I was smelling Aqua di Gio which smelled more like a mix of herbs and spices I asked the guy how much... to which he replied, "5500baht." Caleb whipped his head around and repeated the price in Thai as the man nodded. To those of you who aren't familiar with the BHT-USD exchange rate, it's about 34bht to the $1USD, so this Thai man was asking over $165 for this horrible knock of brand. Caleb said, "You've got to be kidding!" And as we started walking away, the man yells from behind, "OK, OK, 1000BHT!" He just knocked off about $130 in approximately 5 seconds. If someone is going to think I'm that much of an idiot... they don't even deserve my spectacular bargaining skills...

A poor man's food is a foreigner's dream

Some of the best food in Thailand won't be found in a fancy restaurant with linen covered tables and a well dressed wait staff with candles to set the mood. No, the best food will be found on the dirty streets, with no wait staff, cockroaches scurrying around your feet, and sometimes only a half broken street lamp to light the way. Sounds appealing right? Street food is a must for anyone visiting Thailand. Many people might think that food bought on the street is dirty, unsanitary and will probably aid you in catching a disease... however, it's probably just as clean as anything you'd eat in a restaurant, but much faster and cheaper... and a lot of the times, more delicious. Anyone who's walked the streets of Khaosan know a taste of what I'm talking about. There are vendors every few feet selling everything from pad thai for 25 bht to a woman selling a variety of insects. The best fruit smoothies around are also found here where you can choose anything from banana, dragonfruit, mango, to lychee, pineapple and mangosteen for a very cheap price.


Now, you might not always know exactly what you get... but for the most part it will taste delicious. The other night after a long night at the discoteque, a friend of mine and I went wandering the streets and ended up eating at a street vendor which served what we had originally thought to be chicken breast pieces in some kind of soup. As I was sitting there about to devour a piece of chicken... I noticed that this particular piece had claws... yes... I was eating chicken feet soup... and yes... it was delicious!


Back to the insects. My first year in Bangkok I had seen these carts go by, but wasn't nearly brave enough to stop and and take a look. This year however, with the curiosity and hunger of Caleb, we did indeed stop by and he decided to buy some very large grasshoppers. Now, after two years living in Korea, I became very familiar with the smell and look of silkworm larvae, but these things were about 3 inches in length, meaty with long legs and antennaes sticking out. As I was about to vomit, I look over to see Caleb taking one by the legs and biting the head off... waiting for a disgusted look that never came. He rather enjoyed these protein enriched treats and I still have to find, somewhere deep down inside, the courage to try one.

The Way to Success: Meeting the locals

Getting to know the local Thais is one of the most beneficial things you can do in Thailand. The easiest way to go about it would probably be the ability to speak Thai. Once you open your mouth and throw some simple Thai phrases out, your life becomes so much easier. Prices on things automatically get cut in half, tips for the best places to eat, shop, and visit get thrown your way, and favors of free gifts, food, rides etc... seem a daily occurrence.

By now, you're probably in awe of the fact that I can speak Thai and carry on full conversations... so I'm sorry to disappoint, but the experience is not coming from me. I was traveling with my friend Caleb who has been studying Thai for the past year, so I got to be behind the scenes, witnessing this phenomenon. Well, I suppose it's not really a phenomenon, it's actually probably quite obvious but I must tell you, Thai is NOT an easy language to learn. It's a tonal language which can make things difficult since one word can mean 5 very different things depending on how you pronounce it.

Since Thais tend to give farangs (foreigners) a much higher price than their fellow Thais, being able to speak their language opens many doors since they assume you can understand them and have been in Thailand for a while, therefore knowing the correct prices of certain items. I'm planning on learning a few simple basic phrases and I definitely have to learn numbers. I think that learning to actually read Thai would help the most since a lot of prices are given in Thai and the English equivelant is much higher... but us stupid farangs wouldn't know better... =)