Ping pong anyone?

Get your paddles ready, although this game is more of a take situation. The location isn't some well lit room surrounded by tables and eager players, but instead, found on the streets of Patpong or Soi Cowboy in very dimly lit venues where stadium seating surrounds a center stage. No, this isn't the championship playoffs, although there's a lot of cheering filling the room... no, it's the infamous Ping Pong Sex shows. To spare you of some grotesque details, the different types of tricks can include but are not limited to: blowing darts, horns, whistles, pulling out razor blades and nails, blowing out candles, live nude showers, smoking cigarettes (which I'm pretty sure is still not healthy), shooting out bananas and of course the ping pong balls.

If you've never been to one, I would suggest going, more for the experience than anything else. It can be a hands-on experience if you'd like... although it may cost a bit extra. I ended up taking a sourvenier ping pong ball home with me and Caleb played catch with a banana... after throwing it back, the girl picked it up and ate it... YUM! We also witnessed every single kama sutra position played out onstage in approximately 5 minutes... talk about a buzz kill. Now, these shows, at least in Patpong can run you up to 1000Baht (appr. $30USD) but there are some places that are cheaper as well... although the show might not be as good. And if you're wondering if Bangkok is the only area you can witness one of these shows, the answer if no.

It turns out that down south in the lovely Phuket area... there is a little place called Patong... not to be mistaken with Patpong. In Patong, all you have to do is walk the streets at night and there will be plenty of Thai men coming up to you with little laminated cards giving a list of all the different "shows" they offer. After seeing most everything on the list in Patpong, we weren't really interested... until of course a guy showed us a card with various animals, but to our disappointment, all we found as we stepped into these bars were girls dancing on a stage.

However, if you're looking for something a little more interactive and less skeezy (well, maybe no less skeezy) there's a place called Suzy Wong's found tucked away off the busyness of Patong. As you step in the door, you're handed a foam bat looking thing. The point of the bat is to be able to beat or smack the Thai girls on their ass or any other part of their body and vice versa. Every 10 minutes or so one of the girls will grab an unsuspecting guy and lift up his shirt and start beating him as hard as she can... how, these little foam bats don't really hurt that badly, but when 20 some people are beating you with all their drunken might... you'll probably end up with a few bruises... more so from them missing you with the bat and hitting you with their fist. I think people get more enjoyment out of beating each other with these sticks instead of the girls. When things are getting a little wild around the bar the girls start doing other things onstage that quickly grab the male and female attention. Two plus hours of constantly beating random strangers with these things is definitely a great way to let off some steam after a hard day at the beach, or to work off that last Singha beer. Some advice for the ladies, just be sure not to take too much attention away from the thai girls onstage, or you justmight find yourself being dragged across the bar by your hair...